Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Real Mom Confessions

It's Wednesday! Life has felt like a casserole this week. Lots of random ingredients that make days warm the soul. From the sharing of tears with people I care about over dreams broken and prayerful hopes unfulfilled to joint celebration over a new Dr. Seuss field trip I'm offering at the dance studio to volunteering in classrooms, laundry piles and an air conditioning system that went out on the seemingly HOTTEST day in September. From Ava learning to write 5's, to talking puberty, to quiet and crazy family moments...I'm better for the makings of this week.

So what went down?

1. Falling at Family Fun Night. Yes, I literally went down. Our school puts on the most awesome event each year (thanks to dedicated volunteers) for entire families to come and have fun. This year it happened to be a particularly windy night and someone's plate blew away. In a split second move I decided that it would be heroic of me to chase the plate. In my mind's eye, I'm already looking pretty ridiculous. When I finally caught up to the plate I put my sandal over it in secure position only it wasn't so secure and my FEET WENT OUT FROM UNDER ME, causing me to fly into the air (now most definitely looking ridiculous) and land in a million directions. You guys, my knee was skinned. My leggings have a hole in them. My arm is bruised. And, I scraped nail polish off my feet AND fingers. How is that even possible?! I popped up like a pop-tart and returned to the volunteer table with decision that plate littering with abandon was the way to go the rest of the night. Sorry, God, I promise I love your earth. It's a good thing I never tried to play soccer.

2. Fish. My children won three of them this week. They were ECSTATIC! So, we get these fine little goldfish home and begin tending to them. They weren't looking overly happy so we put them in a plastic Christmas Tupperware



But even Jesus with us could not save these fish. They preferred life with their Maker and were all floating by 11:30PM.

What is a parent to do? Replacement fish. That is what this parent decided we were doing so I texted my man and asked him to go to Walmart at MIDNIGHT and get three new goldfish, which he did, only he ACCIDENTALLY GRABBED FOUR so we were busted before we even lied. I didn't want to get into the whole birds and the bees/they had a baby thing so we just called our bluff. They didn't care in the least because they were now up one fish.

Then, as I'm making their breakfast, Hannah says, "What's skinny dipping?"



Because my man included this sign.

I explain that it's a joke because fish don't wear clothes but we will always keep our clothes on and practice modesty. This is when I desperately begin to pray that anything about this will die. Much like the original fish. Only when I picked the girls up from school, Hannah told me she told Mrs. H, her former kindergarten teacher, all about the sign. Thanks, love.

3. Block towers. Ava is into the "Let's build a block tower" phase. I can do this for a short while but after like, say, our millionth tower, I'm kinda ready to move on. My solution, I started singing "Who Stole the Cookies from the Cookie Jar" with her. Never mind that there were only two of us. Desperate moms are creative people. We made up different voices for our family and friends like you were here. Are you wondering if you were one of them? You'll never know :)

4. Whip Nae Nae. I'm choreographing the musical at school and thought I'd be cutting edge cool by adding in the whip nae nae move. Jimmy Fallon did it during his lip sync battle so, clearly, I'd learned from the hippest. However, when I unveiled my cool to my girls they informed I was "doing it all wrong."

I axed it but laughed over the story with the music teacher who doubles as a friend. Later that night I get a text from her that all these 4th/5th grade boys are whip nae naeing (if that isn't a word I predict it makes the dictionary next year) at the football game. So what do I do? STUDY Silentó's music video. Ava even asked me to read to her and the words, "Hold on, honey, as soon as I know how to whip nae nae I can read to you" came out of my mouth. Shame on me. Plus I was saying his name like silencio, as though it meant quiet in Spanish or something, and that is totally wrong. Thankfully his music video helped me with that too. I'm not cutting edge cool, but I'll have the kids duped anyway. Mrs. F, it's in. We shall whip nae nae with the best of 'em.


Each week I find myself surprised by the number of you who tell me you can't wait for these confessions. That they're good for your soul. If I may drop all sarcasm for just a moment, I'd like to suggest that maybe it's because it highlights what we all know to be true. We're all imperfect hot messes. We strive so hard to be the perfect everything raising the perfect children and Satan uses that imagined standard to shake us with doubt. You're not enough. You're a failure. WHATEVER, friends. You are a human in a pinterest perfect world. Yes we fall. Yes we make parenting mistakes. Yes our kids have missteps. But, you are HIS. Your confessions fall into the arms of grace. So give yourself and the person next to you a break. Hang with each other in the laughter, crazy, calm, and tears because we all live there. And, just keep swimmin.'

xx Melissa


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