Monday, June 23, 2014

Working vs. Staying at Home: Who Makes a Better Mother?

“I can’t believe you are going to waste your intelligence just to stay home with your kid.”

It was said to my face.  And it left me speechless, which those closest to me will be sure to tell you is rare.

In the speaker’s defense, she was just like me.  A lover of education.  Someone who was most content with a straight A bearing every intention of getting “Dr” in front of her name.  I liked sitting next to her because we were equally ambitious in our desire to learn and solve problematic situations.  We were on a mission to change the world.

Despite our similar end goals, we were also in different seasons of life.  She was a true undergraduate whereas I’d graduated college, married, completed my masters degree in medical ethics, and returned for the final few courses I still needed for medical school application.  I was also sucking down water and praising God for dissolvable zofran because my husband and I were finally going to be parents after painful years of waiting.  She couldn’t yet know how life experienced outside of the college bubble impressions a person.

Soon after that course, Grace was born.  I believe this happens for all women – those working outside the home and those who are not – but it was as though God pulled off the blinders of who I thought I was to reveal to me exactly who He made me to be.   Children have a way of driving us to pray more about our life, our leadership, our choices.  And, if ever I have heard God speak to me, it was when my MCAT results arrived in the mail.  Before I even opened them I knew success or fail I was not to go.

I became a homemaker – a role I never thought I would fill - and I thrived in new ways.  I started to cook more, network more, play more, dream more, write more, and reproduce more. J  Two more girls would be born and, to my surprise, God would also birth through my keystrokes two books for publication.  I felt as though God unwrapped facets of myself previously hidden.  Right work looked different and the education lover in me found its most comfortable home nurturing my children’s education while rocking the PTA.

And I learned never to limit God.  And I knew His ways were better than my ways.  And what life had previously taught me about my identity was reinforced.

Identity does not come in a paycheck.  It is not found in any earthly title.  It is not manifest in the makeup of our day. Those are all surface things to the heart which feels God’s love and says, “My identity comes in being Yours alone.”


To hear my answer and find encouragement for your heart today finish reading this post here

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  1. I think that there are a lot of great moms out out there, working outside the home, and stay-at-home moms. I personally made the choice to stay home and homeschool my children because I couldn't keep up the housework, cook good meals every day, keep up a garden, find time to relax, spend quality time with the children, etc. while working outside the home. I think that if you can do all of these things while keeping a job outside the home, great. But if you can't, and you start saying things like "I'm so tired", or "I can't do it all", or "I think you should do half of the housework", it is time to consider making some changes.

    1. God gives us all clear direction uniquely. I love that because in Him we will thrive...and it will look different for different moms. That is why the posture of our hearts is so important. Keep up the good listening in your life. Thanks for the comment. :) Be blessed!

  2. Funny how God changes up our best laid plans! :) Thanks for linking up, Melissa, have a great weekend!

    1. And what a joy on the other side to see how much better laid His are :)

  3. Not sure how I found your blog, but I'm glad I did. It was the title of your article which drew me in. I have been there/done that and am now on the other side, as my kids are raised (we homeschooled). I left my career upon the birth of my first child, way back in 1990, and I never regretted it for a minute. I loved every moment of being home with my kids. Only thing is, in my case, I ran into unexpected fertility issues, so I never had more than 2 kids, and we had an adoption fall through. So, here I am now, wondering what purposeful thing to do with my life now that my kids are grown.


    1. Patti, glad you found your way here. Hope you find a home in posts to come :) I'm praying for you as you seek God's direction for the future!


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