Tuesday, May 8, 2012

When Fear Spreads Like Hives

I noticed the first spot when I changed her diaper.  Minimizing it to diaper rash, I put Ava down for her nap and got Hannah ready for dance.

An hour passed and it was time to leave, so I woke my little princess up to discover approximately ten spots on her upper leg

and a very inflammed outer ear. 

Grace and Hannah piled in the van and off we went.  When I got to the studio, I asked a nurse friend if she thought it was hives.  She said yes and I immediately put in a call to the pediatrician for benadryl dosing.

As the night progressed, more spots appeared.  Her belly, other leg, and arms would become a spotted, polka-dotted mess. 

And I panicked. 

Although I was looking at the little girl in front of me my mind was in an ER room looking at my oldest.  After reacting to a medicine she broke out in hives, became feverish, and swollen.  Barely two at the time, her tiny little body lay on the hospital bed helped by oxygen, epinephrine, steroids, and a host of other meds.

And memories of that anaphylactic shock seemingly brought on anaphylactic fear.

What was causing this?  How would Ava respond?

Just like the hives spreading across her body hives of fear spread over my mind.

I did my best to stay in the moment and could hear my dear friend saying, "Take every thought captive" (2 Corinthians 10:5), but I was failing.  Miserably.

Shortly after putting my sweet princess to bed I snuck in her room with a flashlight.  I wanted to make sure her symptoms hadn't changed,  And, when I did, she opened her eyes and sat up. 

I swooped her into my arms and brought her in our room.

"I just need to hear her breathe."

The clock struck midnight so I sang her happy birthday and I stroked her hair.  I studied every inch of her body and I smiled at my beautiful one year old.

By morning the spots were in her arm pits and on her face.  The pediatrician pulled us right in and strarted the birthday girl on steroids - maybe the best gift that my girl received that day.  The spots quickly started to disappear.  She quit itching at her ear.  She wanted to eat ice cream and we laughed as she went from person to person snatching treats from family members at DQ.

Five days have passed.  Her meds are done and her skin is cleared.  She's happy and healthy...and none of my worst fears happened.
Sometimes in life I am guilty of being paralyzed by the "what ifs" instead of dealing with and resting in "what is."

I don't want to be this way because it steals individual moments of their joy and places seeds of doubt in my mind about the future.

Am I alone or do you get me?

So today I'm choosing to rest.  To be conscientious of really trying to take my thoughts captive and live in the moment because, friends, God already knows what lies around the next bend and He will meet us there so why not relax in that goodness? 

Rest... Stay in the moment... Trust...

Life is so much more enjoyable if we do.

1 comment:

  1. you are not alone! I have been there a few times with my girls and it is not fun! But, it is also a place that God can use to shape our character and help us to trust Him more! Great post!


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