Sunday, April 1, 2012

Do You See Me, Lord?

I stood in a sea of many. The church was filled with people celebrating Jesus’ triumphant entry. And along with the processional were hundreds of church kids walking down the aisles proudly waving their branches.

I knew I was supposed to be in the moment. But my mind was elsewhere.

Jesus, I’m celebrating you day. I ALWAYS celebrate your goodness, but do you see me?

My husband and I were aching to become parents. If there was one thing I’ve always known it was that I was cut out to be a mommy.

But it wasn’t happening.

After waiting and many medical visits, we’d finally seen a little face and strong heartbeat on the screen. We’d fallen in love and couldn’t wait to meet our little guy or girl. Only we weren't meant to meet this side of heaven.

Loss. Heartbreak. Fear of trying again. Hope of a dream fulfilled.

I was there.

And, as I watched the children process, I could only place my heart before God.

Lord, if you choose to bless us with a child, I promise to raise him or her in your name. Blessed be your name.




He would provide.

I can still tell you exactly where I was. Back third of the sanctuary on the left side about four people in from the aisle swallowing back my tears so that no one would see.

But He saw.

He always sees.

Sometimes things don’t happen in our timing. Sometimes God chooses to answer in a different way than we prayed. His plan is altogether different.

But He still sees.

You can fill in the blank with what lays heavy on your heart because we all have something. Life isn’t easy. But, the One riding that donkey sees you today. He saw the heart of every person waving the palms as He rode in to Jerusalem and He sees you now- blended into the congregational crowd and lonely in the quiets of the night.

And, in His design He will draw near, rejoicing with you in times of celebration and tenderly holding you through heartache.

He sees you. He knows every detail of your heart. And, He will die to commune with you.

You might feel like you blend into the crowd but you NEVER will to Him.

And this adds to our joy as we proclaim, ”Blessings on the one who comes in the name of the LORD! Praise God in highest heaven!” (Matt 21:9)

ALWAYS!

{In light of this Palm Sunday memory, I give thanks today for a God who knows every corner of my heart, the ability to say "Hosanna" translated "save us" and trust that He will in His own unique way through every situation I face, and my girls. :)}

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13 comments:

  1. Wow, I needed this today.

    Thank you for sharing your heart like this.

    Kate

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    1. :) Glad it could be a blessing for you.

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  2. very beautiful! Came over from Ann's... glad I did!

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  3. Thank you. I'm glad to be reminded that He sees.

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  4. Oh, this is so encouraging. There are definitely days when I feel like I just blend into the crowd and forget that I have a God who sees.

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  5. This is so encouraging to me. As we struggle so badly with desiring a baby and knowing it will probably never happen. Thanks for your words of wisdom! :)

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  6. Linked -up next to you @ Ann’s...we wrote of similar thoughts today...thanks for the reminder...He does see indeed. blessings to you~

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  7. Great post! We are struggling with infertility and I found you through the link up.

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  8. Beautiful words! God is always with us...especially in our deepest/most painful moments...it is then that he's carrying us! Congrats on achieving parenthood! Visiting from Kelly's Korner.

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  9. So beautifully written! I didn't struggle with this issue but another. Our daughter has CP and so everytime girls her age reach a milestone such as driving or going to proms, my heart breaks all over again. But it's good to be reminded that He always sees. I found you through Kelly's Korner. I'm having trouble signing in with Google, but I'm Kathy. www.missgracefilledlife.blogspot.com

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  10. I really needed this, this week. Thank you for the beautiful post.

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